Draw Me Close

This song came to mind as I was journaling and reading my Bible tonight.

Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend

Help me find a way to bring me back to you

[Chorus:]
You're all I want, 

You're all I've ever needed 
You're all I want,
Help me know you are near

You are my desire

No one else will do

Cause no one else can take your place

To feel the warmth of Your embrace

Help me find a way to bring me back to you

[Chorus:]

It's an older song. Many have sung it since it's a classic. But it's great. Totally captures my thoughts and feelings over the last few days.

Another Blessed [long] Weekend

Gotta love a 3-day weekend!

Thursday night was our communion service, since it was Holy week. That was a great experience. I got to be a part of the service in a way I have not been in a while.

I sang "In Remembrance of Me" in a little quartet. Awesome. I don't dig the performing in front of people as much with singing simply because I'm not confident. I'm very self-conscious. For me, it becomes less about worshiping my Lord and Savior and more about if sound or look ok. I can't get past it. I enjoyed this, though.

I also played "Be Thou My Vision" as a duet with our church's awesome piano guru. I [heart] playing my clarinet. In high school, I loved the concerts we performed in. There's nothing like the buildup of the song and the release at the end, when there's a moment of silence before the applause. It's enough to make me smile and get goosebumps. Awesome. Playing a duet or solo is not quite the same, but it is still fun because the combination [in my opinion] is bea-u-ti-ful. Love it.

Friday was cleaning day. Mostly because we were having a bunch of guests on Saturday. Really, though, cleaning stinks [and flairs up my allergies like crazy] but the end result is worth it. No one likes a dirty or messy house. Cleaning is a necessary evil [just like dealing with those nasty dandelions in the front garden area. The funny thing is that I used to like dandelions when I was little]. We also ran some errands and installed our stained glass window. [It's really a decal that looks cool, none-the-less.]

Saturday was the much anticipated get-together day. Fun times with the PWNK group from church. [That's people with no kids group, in case you were wondering.] It's been fun getting to know these people better. Turns out we have many similar interests and laugh at many of the same things. Good times! We chatted, played Drift on the Wii, and watched some good ol' SNL. Good conversation. Good food, as usual. Lots of laughs. Looking forward to our next get-together.

And Sunday. Easter. A wonderful holiday. A day we celebrate the sacrifice Christ made for us and the promises that were fulfilled. How thankful I am that my Father loves me THAT much!

The sunrise service this morning was awesome. One of our small group members shared a heart-tugging testimony. How powerful is our Lord God that He can take a person out of darkness and bring them into His light!

The church service was great too. We shared our first cardboard testimonies which also tugged at my heartstrings. It's always such a HUGE blessing to see how God has worked in someone else, how they have been changed.

I was actually invited to be a part of this wonderful experience in front of the church, but I decided to decline. I'm not sure what my cardboard would have said. I was afraid. I am still afraid, a work in progress. That's me.

Of course, there was the annual family dinner. It was great eating lunch with everyone again. I can't take that for granted! I [heart] family meals.

The Battle

I did not act out of love tonight. This is the scripture that came to mind during my time in the Word...

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched [wo]man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 7:14-25

"In your anger do not sin" (from Psalm 4:4); Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Ephesians 4:26-27

I pray that the Lord would continue to shape me as a woman of God. Form me. Renew my heart. Continue to show me His love, His truths.  I am so, so thankful that He loves me regardless of my nastiness.

I should be like Jonah said of the Lord, "slow to anger and abounding in love."

Be Still...

Boy, is that the verse of the day!

Be still, and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

That verse has kind of been the verse of the last few weeks, actually. I've visited it many times. In the women's Bible study. At church. In my personal studies. I think we might even have talked about it in small group. It's a great verse.

I had a slight melt down today, which I could see coming, looking back, because of the difficulty I had in being asleep last night. Restless.

A friend and I have talked lately about how you can be growing stronger in the Lord, feeling closer to Him, or having a lot of positive things happening, then all of a sudden you are assaulted with negative, negative, negative in an attempt to bring you down, to turn you away from God. That has been my last couple of days, it seems.

• Yesterday, there was the ambush from the group of girls.

• Last night only two or three other people showed up for the inter-generational Bible study, a huge disappointment. At least I had a good time planning with this week's team. (I don't know that our church needs new programs for this or that. I think the programs we have are good. If anything, I like the idea of beefing up the adult ministries instead of children ministries because children learn from what their parents teach them, directly and indirectly. I still strongly believe this truth: People will make time for the things that are most important to them. Unfortunately, for many people in America, being involved in church and developing a relationship with Christ (and all that that entails) is not really a priority. Sports, TV, earthly treasures, or battling for the busiest schedule takes precedent. I think what our church needs is a little (or big) push towards God. A change in commitment stems from a heart change.)

• Today, I had two students score below the "Meets Standards" for our grade level, one who chose that path on purpose, scoring a 35 out of 100. He didn't put any effort into the tests at all, as I thought he might do if the opportunity presented itself. (This was what resulted in my melt down leading to tears. I knew the reaction was silly during the time it was happening. Sometimes I surprise myself with the tears that fall in various situations. I guess I just needed a moment!)

• One of the lovely ladies from yesterday's drama decided not to drop her wrong attitude and told one of my students to tell me that she didn't like me (or something silly like that). So that drama continued also. I'm exhausted with all of that nonsense.

All in all, I'm glad the work day is over. I'm glad I can settle in tonight to the women's Bible Study and I'm super glad to crack open God's Word again tonight, the very thing that helped to calm the noises in my head so I could fall asleep late last night.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

But seek first [your heavenly Father's] kingdom and his righteousness, 

and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Pulled from Matthew 6:25-34

Post- Thoughts (Part 2)

Ok... So I wanted to share some of the meaningful things I enjoyed or discovered each day of my wonderfully magnificent trip.

Day of Arrival and Rest

I was so thankful to have a day of rest after we arrived. My body forced me to take a short nap until more people arrived. I'm not a nap taker, but I was so tired from taking turns driving all night that I couldn't help it.

It was so, so good to see Chacho and Marc, the missionaries, again. It had been almost four years since I had last been down to serve with them... way too long ago. I'm so, so glad God laid it on my heart to go on this trip. Isn't He just awesome in that He knows what we need and guides us closer to Him?

Day of Worship and Praise in Matamoros

This was the day of the awesome testimony to God's work as we were attempting to attend church with our brothers and sisters at the Matamoros church. Check out that story here. Our Father provided so much for us over the course of the trip. Vehicles were there on the other side of the border for us. The assistant mayor (vice-mayor?) of Matamoros provided a public transportation bus for our huge group to use to travel in each day.

One thing that pulls at my heart on every mission trip is how welcoming the United in Christ church members are (in both Los Fresnos and Matamoros). It is an experience unlike any American church. They just give so much!

Day of Preparation for VBS and Soccer Camp

It was so wonderful to have such a great group of ladies to help me out with crafts. I like all that is creative (pretty much) and especially enjoy getting to use my God-given creativity, so I was pleased as punch to get to make some Bible verse posters and skit props too.

First Day with Kids

Despite the surprising amount of dirt blown in my face, it was such a blessed day. I can't communicate with the kids well (my three years of Spanish long ago are inadequate) but oh how their faces light up over simple gestures. Thank you, Lord, for so many positive universal signs. Smiles. Thumbs up. Even just using their names. And once again we were shown tremendous kindness and hospitality.

I was also so thankful to work with such a wonderful woman who could talk to the kids. She didn't just use this time to tell the kids how to make each craft, she also used the time to teach them. I can imagine she asked questions like "Who made the stars?" and the kids shouted "Dios!" as they point to the sky over and over again. Lilly was an awesome helper, and I'm sure she's an amazing first grade teacher too. What a blessing!

Second Day with Kids

I was excited to work on painting a couple of vanities for the dorm bathrooms. That's definitely my cup of tea. The time with the kids went great, of course. It was especially wonderful, though, to have some hard working helpers afterward to help me finish up with this day's craft. Much appreciated.

I found a couple things humorous about the international students traveling with us on several occasions. One... their enjoyment of taking pictures with each other quite often. I think that's a cultural thing but could be wrong. I don't really interact with high school or college aged people much anymore, so it's hard to tell which is true. I thought it humorous either way. Two... the instances I saw (and was eventually engaged in) international students teaching each other the "Tony Chestnut Song." You know the one I'm talking about where you point to your body parts as you sing... "Toe-knee Chestnut nose eye love you..." This was equally humorous for some reason.

Another real blessing on a couple of occasions was getting to spend some quality time with one of the littlest members of our group. I enjoyed talking with her, hearing about things from her perspective, and playing "I see..." (our version of "I spy...") out the windows as we were driving along. I see purple lights. I see flags. I see a big chicken.

Third Day with Kids

Another day of many blessings. Several great conversations.

One thing that really stuck out to me this day was the devotional. It was over 1 John 4:19-21. Love. Love God. Love others. What I got out of it, though, was more about relationships. How relationships are of God. They are modeled by God. He first loved us. Now we are able to love others. So... in order to have positive relationships with other people around us, we need to have a relationship with our Lord and Savior. It's all Him!

There was another part of 1 John 4 that really struck me too. It said that "there is no fear in love." Yikes! Fear. That's a tough word for me because a lot of my behavior is based on fear. That's something God is still working on in my heart. That's something that could use some prayer!

--- --- ---

I'm so glad to be home with the people I love. I am also so glad I didn't let my fears talk me out of this great experience. I have no regrets about the decision to go.

Thank you, Father, for knowing what's best for me and encouraging me in that way!

P.S.

Happy 60th birthday, Mom!

I still love you so, so much!

Post- Thoughts (Part 1)

There are so many things I could write about the last week. A small part of me wishes I could have blogged at least two or three different days, but a bigger part of me was glad I was away from so many distractions like Internet, TV, etc. and doubts I would even have had time to blog (or felt 'up' to it) at the end of our long days.

Here are some immediate thoughts from the trip, as I sit here pondering whether or not I want to crawl out of my nice warm bed to do a heap of laundry from this past week on such a dreary, cold spring day... I do intend to share some highlights from each day sometime later (thus the Part 1 in the title).

I am so thankful for so many things!

• Most importantly, that my Lord made a sacrifice to save me. How awesome and amazing is that?!
• That my Savior continues to bring me to my knees over and over again and helps me realize the need for more and more of Him in my life over and over again.
• That my Father loves me... unconditionally... despite me!
• For the endless opportunities He gives me to serve His mighty kingdom. Far away. Nearby. 
• That He does not give up on me when I fail over and over again.

He is such a patient and forgiving God!

• That my Lord helps me conquer fears and anxieties and stands by me all the time.
• For all the positive friends and acquaintances that were placed just so in my life to encourage me, remind me of all my God has to offer me, and remind me of who I want to be.
• For all the acquaintances and people who challenge me and make me to be a better person as I seek to be more and more like Jesus.

The Lord is so mighty and so holy!

• For the work done through me this week and, of course, the work done IN me too.
• For a heart that wants to know its Creator more and wants to be a faithful servant daily.

Two final thoughts...

Primero... 

The most amazing part of the mission trip happened on our first trip into Mexico. We were all stuffed into a big yellow school bus that had been donated to the United in Christ ministry. We were going into Mexico to attend church in Matamoros. At the border crossing, though, our bus was stopped (as expected, I mean, it was a big yellow bus FULL of people). They didn't want to let the bus through because they said we might try to sell the bus. (It was similar to the ones the city uses for public transportation.) In the long time we sat there, waiting to find out where this situation would lead us, instead of saying negative things or complaining, we erupted into praise songs and prayer... one unified voice... lifting up our Father's name. Our team included people from Kansas, China, South Korea, Japan, and Finland... all singing for the Lord! It was enough to give goosebumps or bring tears to your eyes. Oh how wonderful is our Lord and Savior! He provided a way for us to get across that day to fellowship with other believers in Matamoros... and every day following it. I think the fact that this happened at the beginning of the trip, first thing, really set a tone for the week. Now I'm excited to see how the Lord will top that experience in the future mission trips I will take... He is so mighty!

y Segundo...

My grandmother sent me an email the day before I left. She was playing 20 questions with me wanting to know everything she could about the trip. I quickly rattled off answers to her, but there was one comment/question that I had no response to... until now...
She said: I'm  interested in why many churches choose to go so far away from home when there is so much to be done here in the U.S.
I believe: She's right. Our world is broken, including our beloved, rich, but lost United States. Marc (one of the ministry's missionaries) reminded us of the passage at the end of Matthew 28 that commands us to "go and make disciples of all nations." He also reminded us of a passage in Revelation 5 that says "from every tribe and language and people and nation." I agree with Marc that not only are we called to serve others in our daily lives, we are called to serve on missions trips. If for no other reason, believers should go on missions trips because it helps keep things in perspective. You learn and grow on another level because of the cultural, language, and economic differences. Not only is all this true, not only do you have the joy of serving and sharing with others, to top it off, you are usually blessed in unexpected ways every single time.

I can't wait until my next trip!

Matthew 28:16-20

Revelation 5:9-10

More Difficult Than Imagined... At First

Well, the season of Lent began yesterday. I'm not of a denomination that really practices Lent, but I decided to participate this year because I'm not a fasting person. I've never done that before. Besides, I think it's good to cleanse yourself of some bad or unnecessary habits that have taken over your routine/life. So... this is not a fast from food. (Although that might be a good idea for this person.) Nope! This is a fast from something else, which shall not be named at this current time.

Originally I thought this would be a piece of cake. Next week is busy, busy, busy in the evenings. The week after that I'll be on the mission trip to Los Fresnos, TX and Matamoros, Mexico. By the time I come back it'll be no big deal, right?

WRONG!

I'm dreading grading papers and finalizing my grades tonight because usually I would engage in this behavior during that time. Instead I'm huddled in front of the computer, eating a bowl of noodles.

How interesting to realize the hold something can have on  you! Oh what unfortunately comfortable lives we live in the United States!

Unfortunately these 40 days are going to be more difficult than imagined. Either it will result in myself having better character/habits OR it will result in me being addicted to the Internet/computer instead. I can definitely say, though, that I'm ready to be broken. I'm ready for something new and different. I want to better glorify the Lord!

Stay tuned...

My Own Little World

Every time I hear Matthew West's song, I think that this absolutely relates to me and how I'm feeling right now. I feel such a push to make changes in my life and reach outside this box I'm living in where everyday feels similar to the day before.

Sometimes I wonder... Is God pleased with my life so far or is He disappointed that I haven't come to bat in more ways for him (both near and far)? Am I following His good and faithful plan for my life?

In my own little world it hardly ever rains

I've never gone hungry, always felt safe

I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet

In my own little world

Population: me

I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church

I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give 'til it hurts

I turn off the news when I don't like what I see

Yeah it's easy to do when it's 

Population: me

[chorus]

What if there's a bigger picture?

What if I'm missing out?

What if there's a greater purpose

I could be living right now

Outside my own little world

Well, I stopped at a red light, looked out my window

I saw a cardboard sign, said "Help this homeless widow"

Above that sign was the face of a human

and I thought to myself, "God, what have I been doing?"

So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye

I thought how many times have I just passed her by?

So I gave her some money then I drove on through

And my own little world reached

Population: two

[chorus]

Father break my heart for what breaks Yours

Give me open hands and open doors

and put Your Light in my eyes and let me see

That my own little world is not about me

What if there's a bigger picture?

What if I'm missing out?

What if there's a greater purpose

I could be living right now

Well I don't wanna miss what matters

I wanna be reaching out

Showing the the greater purpose

so I could be living right now

Outside my own little world

Highlights

Ok, so I was a little disappointed (maybe more than a little) that no one showed for the women's study tonight (that I was hosting since the regular host had surgery yesterday), and on top of that, we didn't meet for small group this week. I'm feeling a little in need of some fellowship.

(Funny how pretty much nothing has gone as planned in the evenings this week. 
A blessing in some ways, a disappointment in others. 
At least we have a clean house, though.)

I decided that since I didn't get to host tonight and share some of the highlights that really stood out to me in this week's Beth Moore study, I'd share anyway!

• "I believe that intimacy with God is the missing link in most stale ministries. No ministry is beyond becoming lifeless and flat. Freshness accompanies an active and current relationship with Christ." I think this also applies to relationships in general, especially marriages. Christ is supposed to be the center of every relationship. I think often when marriages become rocky, it's probably because the couple has begun relying less on God and started taking on more control. 

• Loved this tidbit of info... "The word amazed is the original word ekplesso which is 'found only in the sense of knocking one out of his senses.'"

• Our influence is huge! "We are constantly exerting influence. Influence is a gift, a trust. We must be careful how we use it. Take heed. Satan can affect masses of followers..." This makes me reflect... How do I interact with others? What attitude do I have? A real WOW moment... "Do [I] make it difficult for people around [me] to turn to God?"

• "Every time God delivers us, the point is ultimately to draw us closer to Himself. Whether we get to avoid pain and suffering or we must persevere in the midst of it, our deliverance comes when we're dragged from the enemy of our souls to the heart of God. We escape from the clutches of evil every time we draw near to the embrace of God. Delivered from evil. Drawn to God. The rescue has not reaped its ultimate work until we're under His wing."

• In one reading we had this week, Paul talked about "an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." I think that sometimes this seems so far away to me. I know that at any moment the Lord could take me from this life. I know that we don't know how many breaths we'll take in this life. Going day to day, though, wrapped up in the routines of life, "eternal glory" seems so far away, so many up and downs away. It's almost unimaginable... seemingly unreachable. Is this because I'm only 28 and have had few real hardships?

• The Bible study also mentioned the 4-letter f- word... fear! Fear in facing hardships. (This hardships lesson came just in time, the day after attending the memorial service for my classmate. Perfect timing as usual, Lord!) That can be me sometimes. "Fear of trials sometimes depletes more energy than facing trials! Once we accept the inevitability of hardship, we can redirect our focus from fear of trials to faithfulness." And then, because hardships are inevitable, "we will never become so spiritual that we will cease experiencing hardship." 

• In regards to hardships and difficulties in life, this was encouraging... "difficulty is not a sign of immaturity or faithlessness. We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God. Incidentally, unbelievers also suffer many hardships. The difference is this: ours are never in vain."

• One of the thoughts that closed the Bible study for this week was, "The freedom God gives is to come out and be separate from the practices of the former worldly life." This made me think of the verse saying we are live IN the world, not be OF the world. What does this mean in today's culture? When technology is key to so many things, how do you live simply? How do you let go of your earthly treasures and live according to His will? This is my current journey. These are questions that my Father and I are working on right now... Wish me luck!

It was a good week in this study. I'm disappointed that no one showed up tonight to talk about it. Nothing like anxiously sitting, waiting for people to show up with a coffee table full of goodies, and realizing that it will just be you and the goodies tonight. No fellowship. No discussion.

It's ok. No hard feelings. There's always next week.

Songs that Comfort

Every time I hear this song by Chris Tomlin (I Will Rise) on the radio, I think of my friend that recently passed two and a half weeks ago. 

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

(Pre-chorus)
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
(Chorus)
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

(Pre-chorus & Chorus)

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[repeat]

(Chorus)

God is so good. I am so thankful that He has a plan for each and every one of us. I am so glad that He sees it through to the end. How wonderful is He! He finishes what He starts in us. And on top of all that He answers our prayers in His timing, often better than we could have truly asked for.

As difficult as my friend's memorial service was today (at times) I'm so glad I went. It was such a blessing to hear how the Lord used him as a servant, the adult that he grew into, and the wonderful relationship he built in the short time he had with his wife.

Surprisingly the videos and photo slideshow didn't make me cry. The worship songs and family's words made my tears flow the most. Their words just touched my heart.

I'm so thankful our heavenly Father is so faithful. And He loves us so much!

I end with words from a Kristian Stanfill song (Day After Day)... 

Day after day our God is reigning

He's never shaken, my hope is in the Lord

Day after day our God is faithful

Trustworthy Savior, my hope is in the Lord

On My Mind

My thoughts have been many lately... probably the reason I've had a more difficult time falling asleep lately. I have felt a bit distracted lately. A couple things came to mind tonight as I was journaling and reading my Bible...

Luke 6:27-36

"Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."

While I don't feel like I have enemies per se, 

there are some people I have a difficult time loving. 

I am definitely going to work on praying for them 

regardless of their behavior towards me.

Also, a song...

Change my heart oh God
Make it ever true

Change my heart oh God

May I be like You

You are the potter

I am the clay

Mold me and make me

This is what I pray

Change my heart oh God
Make it ever true
Change my heart oh God
May I be like You

These Moments

My friend's mom posted recently about looking at a photo of her son and remembering him as the young man he was, not the one with all these tubes attached to him, battling the cancer for his life.

I can totally understand this sentiment.

--- o ---

Her post made me think of the time my dad had pneumonia. He was living up in Missouri at the time and became so sick that he was admitted to the hospital, lungs almost full of fluid. Mom of course went up to spend the weekend with him, but I just couldn't go. Not because I didn't love my dad. Not because I was being an obstinate teenager. Not because I had to work and couldn't get off from my part-time job. That's just not how I wanted to remember my daddy if worse came to worst. Mom said he didn't look at all like himself. He had been so sick for so long that he had lost a lot of weight and just looked very fatigued.

Was it a good decision not to go and spend those moments with my father, to show him support, to show him how much I love him? Luckily, I don't have to know or have regrets about it.

I've never talked with my dad and shared why I didn't go visit him in the hospital, but I don't have any doubts that he knows that I love him a lot.

By God's grace, my daddy made it through that yucky situation just fine. In fact, in the end I'd say he came out of it a healthier man. Pumping his lungs and being so dehydrated cleansed his body of his nicotine cravings, and he finally quit smoking after many, many years.

--- o ---

I pray that by God's grace these moments in the hospital with her son are not the last moments my friend's mother has with him.

Note to Self on a Bad Day...

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know what I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, o Lord.

You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in your secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, o God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, o God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, o Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, o God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139.

So Many Reasons to Be Thankful!

I love making lists. Usually my lists endlessly point out work that needs to be done or groceries that need to be bought or ideas I'd like to use (maybe someday?). Today, my list is special, though... it's my favorite kind of list!

Of course this list could be endless with the ways that I am blessed this holiday season. Here's a few I reflected on tonight as I thought about the last couple of days and read about the Christmas story in Luke chapter 2 and John chapter 1...

• My under-the-weather-ness didn't last any longer... boy did I cut it close!
• Homemade Christmas gifts were finished, at last, and all gifts were wrapped on time (with hours to spare).
• Safe journeys here and there and everywhere.
• Spending another Christmas holiday with all of my family (except Uncle J who will be down in May).
• Blessed with such a loving family who makes me feel so loved.
• All the smiles, laughs, and stories that naturally come with family shindigs.
• The Lord protecting 91 yr.-old Grandma when she took a fall today and her laughing about it when she got back up again. 
• Not allowing my headaches to bring me down the last couple of days.
• Most importantly, oh-so long ago a precious, little baby was born to a young, inexperienced girl and grew up to die on the cross for my sins (and yours) because he loves me (and you) that much! What a love my Father has for me (and you)!

I love reading the Christmas story each December 25th and am sad to have missed it again around the dinner table today with my family. If the Lord blesses my hubs and I with kids someday, I plan to make that one of my traditions with them. It's such a beautiful story of God's love for us, how He gives provisions, and how He works things out for His glory!

Merry Christmas and God bless!

Living by Faith

Lately, I have loved our small group discussions over the book of Galations. We have attempted to answer some deep questions. Questions like, What does it mean to live by faith? What does it mean to die (not a physical death)?

I love that the questions are making me want to know more. They are making me want to grow. They are inspiring me to study God's word, to build my relationship with Him, to want more than the life this world can offer... something my awful sinful nature has been working really hard against.

We are called to 'live by faith,' though. 
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.
The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galations 2:20)

This is the journey I am on.

My eyes have been opened so much over the past year or year and a half. I have learned so much too. My journey seems so difficult in today's culture. I love what a friend preached last Sunday; Christ's presence in my life is free, anyone can choose to walk this narrow path... but it is not cheap. I have faith, though, that the Lord will continue to open my eyes to the lies that have made me feel trapped by what the world says I have to do to survive in this crazy culture.

What I really need to do is to continue to grow and build my relationship with Christ, because, as we discussed tonight, becoming more and more like Christ is our goal. "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30) My life should not be about me. I should be living for His glory. It isn't by my works that I shall be saved; it is by grace alone. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

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For small group tonight, I made a yogurt fruit salad (this is my name for it since this is a recipe passed on orally from a friend). It is super easy to throw together. It is a great summer side dish. I like it best when grilling. To top it all off, I'm certain it's probably very healthy. Mmm, mm. Enjoy!

Yogurt Fruit 
Salad




You will need:

apples
grapes
other fruit
almond slices or slivers
individual size vanilla yogurt

You need to:

a beautiful apple 'flower'

1. Wash and cut the apples into bite size pieces.
2. Wash the grapes.
3. Combine all the fruit in a bowl.
4. Add the almonds.
5. Pour the yogurt on the fruit and mix thoroughly.