That's the only word that comes to mind after this afternoon. I was just so amazed by the discussion I was having, when I entered my classroom again, my hands were shaking. Thoughts swirled around... Did that just happen? Am I in some alternate reality? Am I dreaming? Wow!
It's been a while since I've had this reaction because of something that happened at school. Let me start at the beginning...
My grade level usually seems to be the loudest in the transition to, during, and from Specials times (our P.E., Music, Art, computer, library times). I've been working on that with my students and really trying to crack down on some of these undesirable behaviors that are popping up more frequently recently. (Maybe some people think too little, too late, but oh well.)
I went to pick up my class (next door) to make sure they weren't noisy in the hallway. The other class was standing, waiting to go in. Because I've been a stickler about the noise lately and this class doesn't listen to the Specials aide that is with them (who asks them over and over to be quiet), I asked them to turn their voices off because they were in the hallway. After a short amount of time, I still heard voices, so I told them exactly that and that they needed to be quiet in the hallway. The Specials aide told me some of the kids were being disrespectful. I told her I was kind of feeling that.
This was the end of my interaction with these kids at this particular time, an interaction which rarely happens. I rarely stick my nose in when it comes to any other class.
I took my kids to my room, and they were very quiet... maybe because they had just been talked to by the Art aide or maybe because they could tell I wasn't going to put up with anything. The other class went to Art.
After lunch recess, a group of four kids came down to my room and peeked in my window. Anytime I see a group of kids from the other room show up, I get this sinking feeling... Here we go again. What is it this time? It's never for a good, positive reason when a group of them show up. And the "conversations" seem to be a complaining session where nothing gets resolved and they don't seem to listen to any of the constructive comments I make.
I handed over the Math instruction to the Title aide that was in my room and began my march to the hallway.
The other grade level teacher was out there (at the opposite end of the hallway) and told me this group wanted to address what happened this morning. The kids began with expressing that they didn't like me asking them to be quiet. It quickly transitioned to why don't I ask my kids to be quiet. And even more quickly they went to why don't I ever discipline or talk to my kids about things that go on. (Because I do that all the time with their class, is what the kids were saying.) Basically, they thought I was being unfair.
Wow!
I'll be honest. It was difficult for me to take it completely serious and not laugh at them and this ridiculous argument they were trying to... win? I really wasn't clear on what their agenda was. Just because the other class doesn't see me talking to my kids about behavior or see me getting on to my kids about things doesn't mean that I don't. Just because they don't see me pulling my kids out in the hallway to talk doesn't mean that I don't. And to think that I target that class all the time is a joke. Like I said, I rarely step up to discipline any class other than my own. I'm rarely with any other class than my own.
Part of me wonders what the point was of allowing this group to come talk to me in the first place when this group does not converse well in these situations. Besides, all I did was ask the class (not targeting specific students) to be quiet in the hallway. Something so small that probably no one would have remembered by the end of the day became something so huge.
I know I'm not great at the rare and random ambush that happens. From parents. From students. From teachers. Whoever. This is something I need to work on, I know. Besides, they are just 10 or 11 years old. They know not what they do... probably.
I often feel like the odd duck out this year since my class isn't always the nicest or the quietest. (Also, my interactions with people are few, so it's difficult for me to judge the reason for people's negative looks or attitudes. Is it me or is something else on their minds?) Today I feel the message was 50 lashings for Mrs. J for trying to enforce a school rule. It seems as though I have a difficult time getting anything right.
I am so thankful that the school counselor happened to come down the hall at just the right time to sweep the kids to her office and discuss this little situation. I sure had more important things to do... like review angles and lines and polygons with my kids.
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After thinking about this awhile, this situation is evidence of the sad place our children are in. Many are not taught respect for authority (or anyone else, really). They are taught that the world revolves around me. I can act the way that I want to... wherever I want to... whenever I want to... saying whatever I want to. They are taught to manipulate their parents, authority figures, the government systems.
Such a broken world.
Where could I even begin to make a difference in the lives of some of these children whose parents are so far from God and whose influence is much greater (and probably more appealing) than mine? I feel like it would take something much bigger than me showing them kindness to make an impact. My words of wisdom on how the kids should treat each other, adults, being respectful, making positive choices are dismissed seconds after they leave my mouth.